The following views expressed in this piece are the opinions of the author, (and most of the city of Philadelphia) and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Message Pitch.
The following contains no foul language, but lots of anger and rage against the Dallas Cowboys. If you are easily offended because your team wears a star on its helmet, this is your trigger warning. Viewer discretion is advised.
I despise the Dallas Cowboys with every ounce of my being so I’m just going to come out swinging.
Michael Scott once said, “Real business is done on paper.” If that were truly the case, the Dallas Cowboys would be Super Bowl champions every year. Every preseason we have to hear about these jokers and their lofty Super Bowl expectations for a team that struggles to win more than eight games a year. I seriously had to Google the other day who was in office the last time they won the big game because I couldn’t remember if it was George Sr. or Bill Clinton.
It’s cruel what ESPN and the other major outlets do to these fans. They know they have the biggest following. Cowboy fans are everywhere. So are cockroaches. They bring on these analysts and pay them to say how awesome the Cowboys are and build up these delusional statements. Let’s cover a few while I have you:
“Dak is a Top 5 QB”
Counterpoint: While I respect Dak, who is one of the tougher QB’s in the league, he is not better than these guys below:
1. Patrick Mahomes
2. Josh Allen
3. Tom Brady
4. Aaron Rodgers
5. Russell Wilson
6. Lamar Jackson
7. Justin Herbert
8. Dak Prescott
You can argue me on Justin Herbert but he has as many 300 yard games as Patrick Mahomes did in the same amount of starts. He’s only going to get better. Also, if Matt Stafford can stay healthy in that LA offense he will be breathing down Dak’s neck.
“Dan Quinn is a top Defensive Coordinator”
Counterpoint: This is the same guy who blew a 25-point lead in the Super Bowl and had other blunders on defense leading up to his last days in Atlanta. Dallas has forced turnovers this season, but they are also giving up major yards in the air. If I had Reward miles tied to their pass defense, I would have a free flight to Hawaii right now.
“This is the best receiving corps in the league”
Counterpoint: Is it though? CeeDee Lamb is a solid up and coming receiver for sure. Amari Cooper is also a great threat to have outside even though he has disappeared in big games. Then Michael Gallup. OK…a decent WR3. But you’re telling me those guys are better than the corps down in Tampa? Mike Evans, Chris Godwin and Antonio Brown. Add in Gronk and OJ Howard too for good measure. You know, the guys that just WON THE SUPER BOWL. To add another Office quote courtesy of Stanley Hudson, “Boy, have you lost your mind? Because I’ll help you find it.”
At The Message Pitch, we assure you will not get this outlandish analysis and coverage. While I inject my veins with the tears of Cowboy fans, they are human beings in the end. We will not fill their heads with this nonsense.
Oh…and Go Birds!!
Comments? Criticism? Praise? Matt can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.